Forty-five years after my mother’s diagnosis, here is what I know and what I want you to know.
Forty-five years after my mother’s diagnosis, here is what I know and what I want you to know.
My mother turned 81 this month. She was thirty-six when she was diagnosed with breast cancer, and I was fourteen when she had her mastectomy, which puts us forty-five years past a day I still remember. I write about her every October for Breast Cancer Awareness Month, and I will keep writing about her, because of what happens in the comments. A reader named Melba once told me she was in her fifties, had never had a mammogram, and was calling on Monday to make an appointment.
I am not a doctor, so what follows is one woman’s experience and a good deal of reading. Your own doctor knows your history. That is the person to ask.
My Family History of Breast Cancer
My mother is alive and well. She has watched her children marry and has met the next generation, and we do not take a single year of it for granted.
My cousin was thirty-five and pregnant with her third son when she was diagnosed. She waited to start treatment until after he was born so that he would not be affected. The treatment did not work, and she died just after her thirty-ninth birthday. Her mother faced her own diagnosis a few years after that, followed by a double mastectomy. Several of my grandmother’s sisters died of the same disease. It has been in this family for generations.
I have had yearly exams and screenings since I was eighteen. I also asked for the BRCA gene test, and my insurance company turned me down several times. My Virginia gynecologist argued with them on my behalf until they gave in, and I have never been so well represented by anyone. If you are ever told no about a test you need, ask your doctor whether she is willing to fight it. Mine was.
My mother’s diagnosis closed one other door for my sisters and me. Hormone replacement therapy was never on the table, which I wrote about in my post on what nobody told women about menopause.
What a Reader Taught Me About Dense Breasts
In 2022 a reader named Christine left a comment on this post, and I asked if I could share it. She said yes. She had not missed a mammogram in more than ten years, and she had chest pain on her left side the entire time. She was told cancer does not hurt. It was an ultrasound technician, checking under her arm, who found that the cancer had reached her lymph nodes. Christine told me her tissue was so dense that her mammograms had not picked up a mass measuring 15 centimeters, nearly six inches. She was five years out from treatment when she wrote to me, and she now asks for a 3D mammogram every time.
Pain is not the most common sign of breast cancer. Pain that does not go away is still worth a phone call, and so is anything that simply feels wrong to you.
Breast Cancer by the Numbers in 2026
The American Cancer Society estimates that about 321,910 women in the United States will be diagnosed with invasive breast cancer this year, and about 42,140 will die of it. About 2,670 men will be diagnosed as well, and about 530 will die. One in eight women will be diagnosed in her lifetime.
The hopeful numbers are just as real. About two thirds of breast cancers are found while still localized, and at that stage the five-year survival rate is over 99 percent. More than four million breast cancer survivors are living in the United States. My mother has been one of them for forty-five years.
How Often to Be Screened
The U.S. Preventive Services Task Force recommends a mammogram every two years for women ages 40 through 74. Some groups, including the American College of Radiology, have urged every year. Those schedules are written for women at average risk. If you have a family history like mine, ask your doctor what yours should be, if you should start earlier, and if genetic testing makes sense.
If a first mammogram is still ahead of you, the machine is the least frightening part. A few minutes of squeezing, a technician who has seen it all before, and you are dressed and back in the car. Make the appointment while you are thinking about it.
Know What Is Normal for You
The American Cancer Society no longer recommends routine breast self-exams for women at average risk, and some organizations still suggest checking once a month. Everyone agrees on the part that matters. You should know how your own breasts look and feel, so that a change stands out. Doctors call it breast self-awareness. The same goes for men.
Call your doctor if you notice dimpling or puckering of the skin, swelling, redness or flaking, a change in size or shape, a nipple that turns inward or leaks, a new lump or thick spot in the breast or under the arm, or pain that will not go away. Lumps are not the only sign, and most lumps turn out not to be cancer. Do not wait for your next scheduled mammogram. Call.
Where Breast Cancer Awareness Month Began
The month got its start in 1985, when the American Cancer Society teamed up with the drug-making arm of Imperial Chemical Industries, as this short history explains. Betty Ford, who had faced breast cancer herself while her husband was president, helped launch it. The early aim was simple: teach women about screening and get them to a mammogram.
Where to Learn More
BreastCancer.org, the American Cancer Society and the Edith Sanford Breast Cancer Foundation are good places to start, and the Sanford site also has information on current research and on giving. Gynecologic cancers deserve the same attention, and I wrote about gynecologic cancer awareness last year.
Make the Appointment
My mother is eighty-one. I am grateful for every one of those forty-five years, and I would like as many of you as possible to have that same stretch with the women you love. Call your sister, your friend, your mother. Look after yourself the way you look after everyone else. I have written about what self-care after 50 really looks like, and an appointment on the calendar belongs at the top of that list.
If you have had a mammogram since the fall of 2024, find the letter and look for the word dense. Did yours say it, and did you know before?
If you found this helpful, please share it with someone who needs the nudge. You can find me on Facebook, Instagram, Pinterest and X.
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Congratulations to your dear mother on her upcoming special birthday – she'll be my age – but my next one is coming up this month too so I'm still older, haha!
Sorry you have lost dear ones from breast cancer, some so young. Your poster is a eye opener, and frightening, as cancer numbers always are. I'm glad it included men. Some people have no idea that they can also get breast cancer. My dear hubby is one of few men who did, many years back, and went through surgery and chemo, and has done well.
Off later today – hope to post from ship when Internet is working, always slow though, especially uploading pix, so becomes really expensive. Will probably wait until home again to do any in depth blogging!
Take care – stay cool in these unbelievable October temps in the southeast!!!!
Mary x
Other cancers have been present in my family, but not this one.
Thanks for highlighting this. As a survivor I know how important it is. And I love the pink pumpkins! Visiting you from the imparting grace link up.
Lauren thank you for coming over, it is indeed a very important message. Sometimes women take care of everyone else but themselves.
It’s a shame you have lost many to breast cancer. We have to be diligent about our Healthcare
It’s wonderful your mom is doing so well
Thank you Cindy. Cancer is a terrible disease. I am so thankful that my mom is a survivor!
Thank you so much for sharing this important post Elizabeth. Wow I was really feeling the weight of the breast cancer history in your family, and I’m so thankful that you are so vigilant with your own breast health. It’s also in our family, my mom had breast cancer oh, and my mother-in-law died in her early forties from breast cancer. So I have already been advocating for my daughter to be able to start getting mammograms. Thank you again for this excellently written and informative post
Dee, I hope that you have your daughter go for a mammogram as soon as she is able or at least do the monthly self exams. It is so important. Thank you for your kind words about the post! xo my friend.
Not a kind of cancer that is prevalent in my family, but there have been others.
Cancer of any kind is a challenge for all families. Have a great weekend William.
Breast cancer runs in my family. Mama had it as did several other family members. I expected breast cancer to attack me, not lung cancer. even though my dad died of lung cancer. He was a smoker and I have the kind of lung cancer that nonsmokers get.
Paula, cancer is a beast. I am so sorry that you are going through this, but you are a fighter and there is an army of people behind you praying for you! Take care.
Thank you Elizabeth for sharing this information and your own family story,
You are very welcome e Linda. Have a wonderful weekend.
What an incredibly meaningful post. I am so happy your Mother is doing well. I have to tell you, I have never had one and am in my 50’s. You inspired me to call Monday and make an appointment. So your blog is making a huge differnce. Thank you!
Melba, that is so kind of you to say. I am so blessed to have my mom and am of course very sad to have lost so many family members but I hope that their loss encourages others to do monthly breast checks and have yearly exams. Have a wonderful day!
Elizabeth,
Thanks for this post. I too have an extensive family history of breast cancer and have gotten a mammo every year since I was 28. I am now 61 and still do self exams and yearly mammos. We can’t be too careful when we have a history. Wishing you good health!
Mary, we have to be our own “doctors” and advocates. Thank you for sharing your experience.
Thank you for sharing this important reminder. I’m sure most people know someone who has been impacted by breast cancer. Thinking of you during this particularly thought provoking month.
Rachel, I think you are right. Have a wonderful weekend.
Sorry I just saw this! Yes of course please do share the information!!!
Thank you again for sharing such important messages!!
Thank you for posting about breast cancer awareness!!
As a breast cancer survivor of 5 years I’d like to add one piece of advice for your readers. I never missed a mammogram for over 10 years straight but had constant left side chest pain. They always said cancer doesn’t hurt (myth). Finally was caught by an ultrasound tech who checked my underarm during an ultrasound and saw it had spread to the lymph nodes there. What I learned is that I had extremely dense breast tissue. So dense that a regular mammogram couldn’t detect my extremely large mass (15 cm). So with the breast I have left I always demand a 3d mammogram now.
Dense breast tissues women must get 3d tomography mammograms in order to see it clearly.
Christine, thank goodness you are here and a 5 year survivor! That is wonderful. Thank you for sharing your experience and your information. Would it be ok if I add this comment to my post? I think my readers would find this information valuable.
Thank you gain,
Elizabeth
Yes of course!!
Please do!! Thank you again for bringing attention to such an important topic!!
I thought I responded to this already but didn’t see it so I’m responding again.
Elizabeth, This is a great reminder. I’m so glad to hear your mom is doing well! My best friend is an internal med doctor and she also has a family history of breast cancers. She and other friends here in the Bay Area now alternate mammogram with ultrasound, or in her case- MRI every 6 months as they feel a year is too long to go. Seems like that is the new thinking around here if you have it in the family. Are you also? I just had mine and it’s always a relief to have that done. xo Kim
Kim, thank you! I am so blessed to have my mom. I have had several ultra-sounds as well. Thank you for the reminder about that.
It is always a relief to get it done and to have the results back.
Can’t wait to see what you are up too this weekend!
xo
Elizabeth
Thank you for sharing such a truly important message. So thankful your Mom is doing well. It’s such a devastating disease.
Thank you Leslie! I am thankful everyday that my mom is still here and very blessed to have her.
Hi Elizabeth,
What a thoughtful post and thank you for sharing so much about your mother and family members with us. A huge blessing that your mother is a Cancer survivor. So very sorry to hear about loss in your family. It’s such a dreadful disease.
Yes, I have known several women that have passed away from breast Cancer. It was sad to
witness. Also a recent friend that was a 10 year survivor but it returned. Major surgery and all appears to be good. A huge blessing.
You are so smart being proactive with your breast health. Take care of your sweet self.
Katherine, thank you for your kinds words and comments. I am indeed blessed that my mother is a cancer survivor. My heart goes out to all who are battling this horrific disease.
I hope that your friend is well, I will keep her in my prayers.
Are you enjoying Fall? Is it getting cold there? And lastly, have you had any snow yet?
Have a wonderful weekend.
Elizabeth
Elizabeth,
Thank you for reminding everyone of this cause. My daughter in law was diagnosed in 2022 at the age of 36 and 8 months pregnant with her second child. They started her on chemo immediately because while pregnant the estrogen level is sky rocketing while pregnant which causes the cancer to spread like crazy. Our grandson was born with no health issues at all. The Drs said he was protected. They were right. He is now 1 1/2 and full of energy and good health.
My daughter in law after 6 months of treatment had a double mastectomy. I spent two weeks with her while she recovered . Two months later she came down with staff infection and spent four days in the hospital having the reconstruction on one side removed. I was with her again for 10 days four of which my son and I took care of their 3 year old son and the baby. It was something out of a comedy but we did it. As of May she was declared cancer free. Next Month she goes back in for surgery for the reconstruction. I’ll spend 10 days with her while she recovers again. No one in her family has any history of breast cancer so it was a total shock. It also proves what you said. Exams, self exams ,all are so important.
Thank you for spreading the word.
Susan, thank God your daughter in law is ok. And thankfully you are there to help. Cancer is a terrible thing and it is made just barely bearable with loving friends and family. I hope that this time all goes well with her reconstruction.
Take care and thank you for sharing!
Elizabeth,
I was recently diagnosed with breast cancer at age 76. I was surprised to learn that many of us “older” women develop breast cancer. Although it was an aggressive type of breast cancer it was caught early at Stage 1. It was discovered during my yearly mammogram. So I reinforce the need for all women to get their mammograms regardless of their age. I am glad your mother has done so well.
Mary,
Thank goodness your cancer was caught early! I will keep you in my prayers!
Several of my aunts and my grandmothers sisters were diagnosed later in life.
Thank you as well for your sentiments for my mother, I thank God every day for her!
I’m on HRT and have been for many many years now. That and the fact that I have very dense breast tissue I asked and went for an MRI vs the regular 3D that isn’t the gold standard for this kind of breast tissue. My doctor recommends I do the 3D and alternate with MRI every 6 months. I do not have a history of breast cancer in my family. Just be sure you are on top of the newest info so you can protect yourselves. If insurance is an issue please work with your doctor. Take care of you:0)
Lori, I could not agree more! You, me, we, all of us have to advocate for ourselves. I am not a doctor, I am not offer any advice other than to say, please have yourself checked and do self check as well.
One thing that I would add, if insurance is a problem, I have been told to ask the cash price of the tests. Even with insurance an MRI every 6 months is expensive but my health comes first, if I do not have that I have nothing.
Thank you for sharing!